Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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