I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
