Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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