Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
