after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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