toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I haven't been this sober since birth.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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