u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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