I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
