hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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