This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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