Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
not ubering you a puppy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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