oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
