A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
