i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
