dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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