My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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