I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
