im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
