saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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