Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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