it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
