That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
