You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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