There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
