I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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