Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
