Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
