Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
