I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
