Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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