We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
