I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
