Screwed.edu
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
