Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
