I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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