you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I love having hate sex.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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