Your face is a jimmy john
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The uberlube is also flammable
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
