She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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