its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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