I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
