if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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