I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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