I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
