If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
