If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
