If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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