I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize