Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
