some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
