sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
