she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
