I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
