I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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