remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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