I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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