I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
