She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
