i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
