Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
