i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the room spins SO much faster in panama
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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