party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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