I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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