Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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