I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
