I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he shaved USA in his pubs
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
