i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
