You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
