you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize