I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
