This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
