sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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