So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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