I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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