first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
