We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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