If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
